my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
