He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
