There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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