Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
