I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
