We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
