just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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