dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
