I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
