why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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