how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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