After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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