The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
