Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
