How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
