hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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