Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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