Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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