So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
