so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
