you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
