I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
