we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
