last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
