and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i now understand why vodka
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
