He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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