Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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