dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
