Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
