We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
