Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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