Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
