I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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