I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have post one night stand depression
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
