new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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