so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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