Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
