I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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