we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
