I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
