Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
