Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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