I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
