That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize