dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
