someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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