Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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