My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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