Where is the hickey?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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