Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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