My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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