i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do herpes really smell.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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