Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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