Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
