you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize