sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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