How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
