Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
