he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize