Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sober January is a disaster.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
