the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize